Racist Incorporated and the Inoculations Against Racism (IAR)
by Nate Hill

Racist Incorporated is a company dedicated to being as racist as possible for the right reasons. We research how to fight racism with more racism. Why? We believe in people. We believe that when racism is isolated in its purest form, that it exposes itself as gross and absurd, and people will recognize that. Our claim: We create racist experiences for good.

We would like to announce an expansion of that philosophy into health care and present our pilot program of mandatory vaccinations for children 6-17 years of age. The title is appropriately, Inoculations Against Racism. Starting immediately, all three of our vaccines will be available over the internet and free to the public. The vaccines are Race Warriors Dot Com, White Smell Bot, and White Power Milk.

Question: How do traditional vaccines work?

Vaccines are composed of dead or weakened virus or bacteria. They give the immune system a preview of what may come in the future. Our bodies use these dead or weakened virus or bacteria as templates to create the perfect disease fighting antibodies. When the antibody is shaped just right to hook on to the virus or bacteria, it prevents us from getting sick even when the attacker is “real” in the wild. The antibodies do this by not allowing the virus or bacteria to link with our cells. After the vaccine is administered, a healthy immune system can remake these antibodies when the same or similar “real” microbes are detected. This is called an immunity.

Question: What makes Inoculations Against Racism different?

Inoculations Against Racism work like traditional inoculations only the virus or bacteria we are vaccinating against is racism, not a normal germ. For children 6-17 years of age, the vaccine allows for a safe preview of racism in our culture, preparing their minds for the “real” exposure.

Question: How does each work?

White Smell Bot Vaccine
Ages 6+
Synthesized: September 2011

White Smell Bot is a twitter page. Twice daily, it retweets comments about how white people smell crafting a racist experience for kids as young as age 6. After all, insulting each other is part of being a kid. Kids shout, “Butt breath!” while White Smell Bot tweets, “White ppl breath smell like evaporated milk!” They are very similar. As an adult, we recommend you read this twitter feed with your child. After being inoculated by this racist experience (with your guidance), your child will receive a safe exposure to the germ of racism, and learn to be repulsed when they encounter “real” racism in the future.

Race Warriors Dot Com Vaccine
Ages 12+
Synthesized: October 2011

Race Warriors is a racist, hacked Nintendo video game. It offers 16 different race war video games between Whites, Blacks, Asians, or Hispanics. As mentioned before, traditional vaccines expose the immune system to a dead or weakened germ. In this case, the racist germ is weakened. Here’s how: Before killing another race, the young player must answer 10 questions that supposedly decode their racial prejudice, and from this, the game creates an appropriate race war scenario to be played. The problem is that these questions, for example, “Do you like candles?”, have nothing to do with race at all. Regardless of your answers, you’re directed to a completely random game. You may even have to kill your own race, or fight for the race you hate the most. This all makes for an absurd, racist experience. The strength of the game is that within its world, racism is absurd.

White Power Milk Vaccine
Ages 15+
Synthesized: May 2011

White Power Milk is a fully functional racist e-commerce website. It allows you to scroll through detailed profiles of rich, beautiful white girls available to gargle your milk and purify it. By sitting for this vaccine, young men and women ages 15 and older have the opportunity to temporarily become a racist, and even purchase a racist product. Some people believe that racism no longer exists. We disagree and feel that it is important to create fake racist experiences like this one, to show young people how to recognize racism when they see it. The project began after noticing the declarations on twitter from black men of their love for white women. What is so special about white women? What makes these men prefer them? These are just a few “real world” questions for young people to consider after this inoculation.

Question: What should I do?

Disease prevention is the key to public health. It is always better to prevent a disease than to treat it. Self-awareness is key. If you have a son or daughter, educate them with Racist Incorporated. If they are not vaccinated and exposed to racist germs, the child’s body may not be strong enough to fight the disease. Before vaccines, many children were lost to racism that vaccines now prevent. Those same germs exist today. It starts with you and your family.